Faqs

We gotta lot ta say, but we don't wanna bore ya, either!

Most people play with a "full deck" . . . not so at Compoz-A-Puzzle Inc.. Our 'toons couldn't care less if ya liked 'em or not. Mr. Pieces and Scrooples have a habit of sayin' what they like, whenever they like, to whomever they like, regardless of whose expense their aspersions will be. Rather that feed you articulate, preformatted "question/answer" rhetoric, we thought we'd make ya privy ta some actual e-mail correspondence of surfers with their legitimate questions, and the answers returned. Due to the oftentimes quarrelsome nature of the interfacing stances taken by these mutations of argumentation, names have been deleted to protect the innocence of those involved. No particular order to these quips is maintained, in view of the fact that we're constantly being monitored by the 'toons, so we hafta get on and off this page as soon as possible. Gotta go!

E = E-mail Received R = Response Thereto

(Certain changes to the actual "word for word" exchanges have been made. In other words, artistic, poetic and literary license has been invoked to assure continuance of the entertainment value of the correspondence, and every effort to maintain the fluency of verbiage and coherency of the actual event, has been preserved. Excerpts may prevail throughout!)

E: Please use correct English.

R: You'd think that in running an educational website we would use proper English. We use two 'toons that have a New York accent . . . speak in the vernacular of the 'hood and maintain their character throughout the site. This is management's contribution to the portrayal of our product line. Anyone who sells jigsaw puzzles for a living can't take life seriously, and we unfortunately can't be everything to everyone. We think most surfers appreciate a wave here and there, but remember . . . jigsaw puzzles should be fun. We try to make it that way. Sorry if we hurt your feelings or sense of pride in knowing right from wrong . . . especially in our case. I guess that's just the puzzle of it all.

Thanks for the interest in our language impediment,

Mr. Pieces
http://www.compozapuzzle.com/mr-pieces.htm

P.S. Now fer some additional unsolicited advice . . . "Don't take life so seriously . . . ya only pass thru once, unless yu'r reincarnated . . . in which case ya might talk in a different native tongue altogether." Well look, I enjoyed the chat, but I gotta take care of business. Maybe, just maybe, if ya overcome the limitations of our presentation . . . ya might like tryin' the product. Yu'll find no problems with the jigsaw puzzles!

E: I found you through a web Search Engine. Please, please, make sure the order comes ASAP. I want to give it as a gift on ________, but I still have to go to Kinkos to make the puzzles printed out. Please hurry.

R: Well, today isn't your lucky day . . . Do not go out and play lotto . . . repeat . . . do not go out and play lotto. The puzzles you ordered below (and paid for) cannot be printed via copier, laser or inkjet. The puzzles ordered are Compoz-A-Puzzle(R) jigsaw puzzles which can only be screen printed or hand drawn. Only our Puzzle Clonzz(R) jigsaw puzzles can be personalized via laser, inkjet or plain paper copier, and they are not the ones you ordered. In addition, our warehouse closed yesterday afternoon for ONE WEEK, and will not reopen until next Wednesday, ya know . . . the day ya say ya need 'em. What do you want us to do. Well that's a first! Thanks for liking our puzzles, anyway!

E: Is it possible to run your blank puzzle material through a ink jet or laser printer? Thank you for help.

R: Yea, that's what we got the utility patent for. My mother didn't raise no dummy, unless, of course, you consider my brother.

E: Do you have a larger size computer printable jigsaw puzzle available & can I get (1) sample of your current size?

R: The product is so new, even the big computer and office superstores don't even know about us yet, so the only computer printable jigsaw puzzle available is the 8.5" x 11", 40 piece Puzzle Clonzz(R) . . . the size prepared for the U.S. Patent Office. Regarding the free sample, it doesn't pay for us to send that out because the shipping and processing costs amount to over $5.00. If you want to try the product you'll have to spring for the 8-pack at a cost of $9.99, plus shipping. Sorry for that stance, but we'd go out of business real fast if we kept giving away the store.

E: As far as printing puzzles by computer printer, I was wondering if you can use a printer that the paper feeds through the front of the printer and rolls inside and then comes out through the front as well. As opposed to the straight through type printer, where the paper enters through the back or the top of the printer and does not roll at all inside the printer, it just comes out straight through.

R: Would you please repeat that? We work with an HP1000Cse which feeds from the stomach and comes back out to the stomach. Yea, I'm talkin' 'bout my stomach. We won't guarantee that'll work on every printer, it could very well depend upon your stomach . . . but "top feeders" seem to exhibit great output too.

E: Hey! possible to buy stock in your company?

R: Although we don't have two nickels to rub together (probably the reason why we can't send you the samples), the S.E.C. would be over us like a wet blanket for selling you a "piece of the action" without disclosing our financials . . . so you'll just have to look to greener pastures . . . elsewhere, of course. Maybe when we get all the pieces together . . . who knows? The Shadow do! Good idea though.

E: I found a printer that said they could print on thick cardboard (anything - Pictures, sketches, full color, Black and white) but they cannot be pre-cut. The machine twists the cardboard like this " ~ " and if it is pre-cut then the image does not come out well.

R: Find a different printer . . . or, give him some samples to try. Professionally speaking . . . we make jigsaw puzzles that can be imprinted via screenprint, letterpress or hot stamp . . . that's what we do for a living . . . and I've seen some of the most beautiful work on our puzzles. Personally speaking . . . find someone who (1) knows what they're doing, or (2) has the proper equipment to do it!

E: They also suggested bringing the cardboard for printing without pre-cutting it and a bigger size than needed (for example - if you need 4" x 5.5" you need to bring in a 5.5" x 8" cardboard) this will enable the printing machine to print on it neatly.

R: The answer is no, No, NO . . . Our dies are not 1-up dies, necessarily. When we go to press we'll cut 100,000 of any one configuration, inventory them and piecemeal them out on a small order basis. We absorb heavy "make-ready" costs in mounting (laminating to board) and diecutting. The cost of exporting and re-importing would also be prohibitive. Even if we coordinated the whole job from New York, it would cost more (per unit) than our standard pricing quotations to you on stock items.

E: Can I print from your web page a copy of the order form and send that with a check?

R: Yes, if you so choose! Just make sure the check or money order is reflected in U.S. dollar denominations.

E: Will you deliver to losers in Canada?

R: We were just talking about you before the e-mail message arrived and said to ourselves . . . "Boy, is this surfer a looser". Lucky for you that we're proponents of the small guy (mentally not physically, of course). Anyway, now that I got my chuckles . . . yeah, we'd be glad ta take yu'r money! Ya'd hafta let us know what ya want and where we're sendin' it . . . ya know . . . name, address, city, province, Her Majesty's postal code, etc. You needn't give us the credit card info just yet. We hafta first get back to you with the shipping costs and have you know what yer gettin' yerself in fa. Here's 'r rule a thumb . . . We'll deliver anywhere outside the continental U.S., but only if you live there.
So, e-mail us back, or submit the order "online" (without the credit card info in "NON-Secure" mode. I sound so articulate, almost like I know what I'm doin', but it's time for a reality check. By the way, Mr. Pieces claims that he wuz kiddin' when he said all those bad things about you bein' a loser, and all that. Hope ta hear from ya . . . Not a bad autoresponder, huh?

Anyway, thanks for the interest . . . Scrooples

E: I am wondering whether it is possible to get the computer printable puzzles in thicker paper?

R: I'm glad that you're happy with your Puzzle Clonzz(R). As you are aware, these jigsaw puzzles are obviously thin (.010 . . . a little heavier than a normal business card) in order to go through the printer. If they were any thicker, they wouldn't go through 90% of all printers. So, what's the good news? We're trying to develop a mirror image die, that will cut through heavier (.070) board (from the bottom) that has a release paper on the top. Once you take off the release paper you can "meld" the computer printable jigsaw Puzzle Clonzz(R) onto the heavier jigsaw puzzle . . . and, voila.

E: Are they sold in stores! If yes, any in Ft. Lauderdale?

R: We sell primarily to educational supply stores . . . so, let your fingers do the walking in the yellow pages to find some school supply stores. We sell to over 1,200 stores all over the country. Unfortunately, we don't categorize them geographically. To do so would require forethought . . . and no one here is really playing with a full deck . . . especially me! If you can't find a store locally, we welcome you to order online.

E: When will you ship if I give you an order?

R: We always ship within 24 hours from the time we want to!

E: I just ordered the 30 piece heart puzzle - BLANK. Today is _________ . When will I receive the puzzle?

R: I purposely lagged behind a few days answering your e-mail concerning delivery. By now you should have gotten the puzzles . . . Am I right, or what? Are we great, or what? Am I a pain in the neck, or what? Hope ya like the puzzles!

E: Hi, I was just wondering.I have an Epson Stylus Color 800. The paper has to bend about 45degrees to go through the printer. Would any of your puzzles work in that type of inkjet?

R: You should have NO problem . . . you will have a "giggle-BYTE" of fun trying though. Although we run this business for profit, we like to help people. Place your order, take in the puzzles, try them . . . if you're not happy, sit on it . . . no, no, no (just kidding) . . . I mean just ask for your $9.99 back. Test us and see how easy we can be. When everything works out though, we expect a letter apologizing for being apprehensive. Say something nice and we may even publish it on our "Testimonials" page.

E: You might be able to ship with the United States Postal Service in a Flat Rate envelope for $3.20 and save postage for your customers. Just food for thought. No special requests here just a suggestion.

R: You have a splendid idea, but it doesn't always work for us. First, and perhaps most important, if we went to the post office we'd have ta get off our fannies and travel .5 mile or walk . . . don't know which is worse. Second, UPS gets signatures, proofs of delivery, and they pick up from us daily. Third, Mr. Pieces insists on running a tight ship and doesn't let anyone leave the warehouse during the normal workday . . .
When we do have "alot" going out on the same day, oftentimes Mr. Pieces gives us permission to leave the premises . . . but we have to bring a postal receipt to prove where we were. Now, if I'm not to get scolded for spending too much time on the net, I'll just sign off. Thanks for the order . . . the jigsaw puzzles will go out tomorrow . . . Scrooples

E: Please give my thanks to Mr. Pieces for allowing me to leave the office long enuff to mail my order in a priority flat rate envelope.